Dowry- should I pay? - Unpopular Thoughts

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Saturday, June 6, 2020

Dowry- should I pay?

The 21st Century brought hope for more... freedom and equal rights for woman, and a vision to achieve the gender equality. However, one the most populous country, India at one side louds its programs and achievements towards the progress of woman. At the same time, Indian woman struggles with day to day ‘harassing social norms.

There is no denying that no matter where, women face a lot of pressure, but Indian society is far worse. Who so ever are reading my post, please do not compare it with the lower economies and show their condition of women, and post a comment that nah! India is better.



I am not comparing with the hell on the earth; I am comparing with the possible future we can our self-have and build without being a copycat of other nations.


Even a PhD holder committed suicide due to pressure of dowry- it shows two things- the first, the mental health of women in India, and second the social conditions like dowry.

Do you know?Everyday, near about 20 women every day, are killed or commit suicide due to dowry, according to the Guardian. 
The statistics for them who think that ‘the topic is imaginary’

More than 7,600 women were killed or moved to suicide in 2015 as a result of dowry harassment by their husbands or families-in-law, according to India's National Crime Records Bureau.

But everyone manages to turn a blind eye, while girls keep on committing suicide because dowry is still practiced among politicians, bureaucrats, at every class and level. Where else can you go and complaint?

The status of Marriages in India?

Marriages are a huge business in India, and it generates the social and cultural value. However, the dark side of these loud and expensive marriages are hidden.

People find it beautiful, however, more I hear, learn and observe the society, more my ethics push me to write against it.
Where is the beauty in Indian Marriages? people defend marriages that it provides a large gathering of ‘relatives’ who often pretend to be happier, but  the harsh truth is that mostly are jealous or gossip mongers...and.. If you have such a beautiful relations, you can gather anytime you want instead of forcing someone to marry. 


What about the pressure on Female, to be bride and her parents?

I blame Indian parents, they themselves suffer so much at every step due to society, yet they pass the similar burden on their children in the name of customs.

As a woman, I feel the culture is ugly because, still the parents of a male child feel privileges and happier than the parents of a female child.  

The economic survey talked about the son meta preference , which is published every year, also mentioned that there are millions of girl child who were born only because their parents wanted a son, and gender checking is a criminal offence in India.

The government banned the sex determination, because the female numbers went down due to pre- information of the birth of a girl child in the family. 

When people knew that the child is a female, they aborted them. In places like Rajasthan the girl child was killed even after birth. To hide these crimes is easier because somewhere in villages, small towns, everywhere – they share the similar mentality.

Somewhere, women remain second class citizen since the birth. People turn a blind eye, especially cultural men, because they think they can control women more and they are born in privileges being a man. Even, religiously being a man has more privileges, therefore, their ego is enhanced

Women are prepared for marriages since they start to have an understanding. They are groomed at every step for handling household responsibilities, while men are not given any grooming, but to be able to earn.

That is why it is difficult for many or majority of Indian men to even wash their undergarments. Since childhood, its either mother or sister, later wife does such tasks.
There is no denying that now men are being supportive than earlier and their perception towards female has changed, yet the way things are, I think entire century is not enough.

Dowry should be practiced in the name of culture?

The first thing about dowry is ridiculously cheap, that you should be paying to someone to marry your daughter as a parent. 

Indian marriages last longer because women have a limited role.  They are raised to surrender, that when a man is angry, be silent, ignore and have patience.
However, is it fair? No ... It is not. When a woman starts speaking, her own family, friends and everyone starts teaching her patience.

Men are born to be violent, greedy or sex driven?

Basically, the Indian parenting of a male child is that he needs to be aggressive, even when the man does not want to be aggressive. If he is less violent, he is targeted among his colleagues, peers, friends and even family as a ‘NON- MUSCULINE’.

Such kind of men have worst status than a woman, therefore, man learn to pretend to be tougher and eventually some of them forget that what it was for them to be soft.
Men are not born violent, greedy for dowry, or having a perception towards woman that she is a sex object. The blunder is done by the family, may be his own mother or father.
Many Indian marriages even break at last time if the demand for money is not met. Love marriages do happen, yet again, men sometimes they avoid asking for dowry, but parental pressure force them to surrender.


The role of parents in Dowry


In India parents often use emotional abuse to threaten their children like committing suicide, having a life threat or dying with heart attack. However, they don’t often commit that, children tend to submit because in Indian society, no matter how much you are being abused by your parents, everyone, no matter it is a counselor your friend, fiance or lover, majority of them advice you not to hurt your parents.

This is great! I totally support that parents do sacrifice a lot for us, and Indian parents go beyond their limits to support their children, but that support comes with a never-ending abuse.

Better, that in India there should be a rule to leave your house once you are no longer a minor constitutionally, Life may be challenging, but the abuse will be lesser for both.

Indian parents will control less. 

Dowry has a social value of a man’s worth. Therefore, parents consider, if their son is getting more money in dowry, he is valuable than other male.

But I find it cheap and shallow, like a commodity.

It seemed to me like Indian parents do sell their sons and later turn fraud like their sold son, who is sold for mostly sexual pleasure for woman, behaves like he owns the woman.

The demand never ends, after marriage at every festival, there should be gifts for in-laws, while they have to give permission to woman, if she wants to work or study after marriage.
I do seriously doubt the character of people who support such heinous rituals or prevent their greed in name of culture.

If this is the culture, it is very inhumane, and it sucks.

Therefore, this article is dedicated to women, who wanted to know if they do not want to give dowry,
Yes, you should not give dowry, even if your parents emotionally abuse you. It is the matter of principle.

For men, who did not want dowry but love, yes you did right.

My encouragement and support, you are the future, do not give up. You are totally healthy and kind human being who value love over cultural regardless.

Is there anyway to change these dowry traditions?

Yes, name and shame them. If law and order is helpless, the social shaming will be an effective tool yet, there are risk associated with this.
Be determined, and speak against dowry, again and again, until parents change their attitude to the point that they should feel embarrassed while asking for money, and similar way, the girl’s parent should be proud of being a parent of a remarkable human being, who is woman- but strong.
To raise a strong woman, you must be stronger parents.


The world has been facing the lockdown due to fight against the COVID 19, and shockingly the domestic violence across the world against woman have increased. Governments all over the world are receiving more and more calls for help, as victims of domestic violence fear for their own and for their children’s health and well-being.




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Dowry- should I pay?

The 21 st  Century brought hope for more... freedom and equal rights for woman, and a vision to achieve the gender equality. However, one ...

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